Dee's Post April 2013

4/14/2013

EMPATHY

Walking unaware

discussing life, poetry and weather

our minds on higher things,

unnoticed went the worm.

Then panicked gasp,

a stifled scream

and Susie looked and saw

beneath her foot, the worm.

No ordinary worm:

one foot long and

thick as your thumb

he squirmed injured..

To the rescue Dee,

umbrella clasped un-open

poised to lift from danger

to a leafy lair.

If he could think

(perhaps he does)

would the worm turn

and offer thanks

for that act of empathy

one species to another?

Deanne Lister

12th April 2013

(See photo taken at Mary Cairncross park)

3 Comments

Judy

4/14/2013 08:04:53 am

He would say: 'You're very kind.'

And hope the rain had driven the kookaburras away.

Lyn

5/3/2013 11:23:11 pm

Dee – I have enjoyed this because I too was there, but I wonder if it could be opened out for more general appeal, rather than being personalised with names etc? Omit ‘and Susie looked and saw’, and also ‘Dee, umbrella clasped’ etc.
I was also a tiny bit confused at the start, when I wasn’t sure if it was the worm ‘walking unaware’ or the poets. And you also have ‘foot’ appearing twice, different meanings.
So – a re-working of that middle section might read:

Panicked gasp,
a stifled scream
Beneath a foot, the worm.
Ten inches long,
thick as your thumb
squirming, injured …
and rescued, lifted from danger
to a leafy lair.

Hope I haven’t messed about with it too much. Wonder if the worm survived?

Dee

5/28/2013 04:36:12 pm

Hi Lyn, sorry to take so long to get back to you on this. You really have that gift of conciseness which I admire, and you have seen more in this poem than I realised. It made me laugh to think that it could have been us or the worm that was "unaware'. Probably true anyway! I wrote this for a laugh, of course, for those concerned. But I always have an uncomfortable feeling when I introduce names as it does, as you say, make it personal. Thanks for your insight. Dee

Dee's Post April 2013

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