pentepoets.com
  • Home
  • Pente history
  • Meet the poets
    • Judith Bandidt
    • Lyn Browne
    • Brad Drew
    • Susie Faint
    • Deanne Lister
    • Ron Wiseman
  • Selected poems
    • Poems by Judith
    • Poems by Deanne
    • Poems by Lyn
    • Poems by Susie
    • Poems by Brad
    • Poems by Ron
  • Books on Sale
  • Gallery
  • Poetry Trail
  • Reviews
    • Comments
    • Reviews
  • audio Maleny
  • audio Little Yabba
  • audio Montville
  • Poetry Trail Story
  • MALENY TRAIL POEMS
  • MONTVILLE TRAIL POEMS
  • LITTLE YABBA SITE POEMS
  • Hinterland Poems audio
  • POETRY TRAIL ARCHIVE
  • CO
  • H to H recordings

Dee's Post       April 2013

4/14/2013

3 Comments

 
EMPATHY

Walking unaware

discussing life, poetry and weather

our minds on higher things,

unnoticed went the worm.

Then panicked gasp,

a stifled scream

and Susie looked and saw

beneath her foot, the worm.

No ordinary worm:

one foot long and

thick as your thumb

he squirmed injured..

To the rescue Dee,

umbrella clasped un-open

poised to lift from danger

to a leafy lair.

If he could think

(perhaps he does)

would the worm turn

and offer thanks

for that act of empathy

one species to another?

Deanne Lister

12th April 2013

(See photo taken at Mary Cairncross park)

 

 

 

 

3 Comments
Judy
4/14/2013 08:04:53 am

He would say: 'You're very kind.'

And hope the rain had driven the kookaburras away.

Reply
Lyn
5/3/2013 11:23:11 pm

Dee – I have enjoyed this because I too was there, but I wonder if it could be opened out for more general appeal, rather than being personalised with names etc? Omit ‘and Susie looked and saw’, and also ‘Dee, umbrella clasped’ etc.
I was also a tiny bit confused at the start, when I wasn’t sure if it was the worm ‘walking unaware’ or the poets. And you also have ‘foot’ appearing twice, different meanings.
So – a re-working of that middle section might read:

Panicked gasp,
a stifled scream
Beneath a foot, the worm.
Ten inches long,
thick as your thumb
squirming, injured …
and rescued, lifted from danger
to a leafy lair.

Hope I haven’t messed about with it too much. Wonder if the worm survived?

Reply
Dee
5/28/2013 04:36:12 pm

Hi Lyn, sorry to take so long to get back to you on this. You really have that gift of conciseness which I admire, and you have seen more in this poem than I realised. It made me laugh to think that it could have been us or the worm that was "unaware'. Probably true anyway! I wrote this for a laugh, of course, for those concerned. But I always have an uncomfortable feeling when I introduce names as it does, as you say, make it personal. Thanks for your insight. Dee

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    April 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012

    Categories

    All
    Australian Poetry
    Fantasy
    From Abroad
    Life Poems
    War Poems

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly