Dee's August post

8/18/2013

BELOW THE CREST

Below the crest

a brown land stretched,

no trees or any fauna caught the eye.

Held in this time I let the scene dissolve,

replaced by forests, swamps and life

in my imagination.

No man was on the earth that could betray

the system’s great ecology,

but die it did,

and all the creatures too,

so many million years ago.

How arrogant are we to think this earth,

this eloquent creation,

will dance upon our tune?

This is our time, no doubt,

and man’s existence will bequeath a record

just like those fossil bones of megasaurs

who walked upon this ground

long before we existed.

©Deanne Lister

18th August 2013

On the jump-up near Winton

LOOKING FOR BUSTARDS

Alone, but not alone,

I am the earth, the trees,

the warm soft breeze

in this fantastic place.

The silence has a voice

that lifts my soul

to soar in golden rays

exulting in the joy

of simply being.

©Deanne Lister

14th August 2013

Walking at the end of a small airfield deep in the country just outside Townsville

4 Comments

Judy

8/17/2013 05:13:30 pm

What lovely poems, Dee. I know exactly how you feel, particularly at the jump-up near Winton. I, too, felt that same sense of awe, of the smallness of the human species and the inevitability of decay - all of which are very well captured in your poem. Judy

Lyn Browne

8/26/2013 11:49:24 pm

Dee - how I agree with the sentiment behind 'Below the Crest', and I have enjoyed that feeling of looking down on the landscape, as though seeing, or trying to see, the bigger picture. And I like the construction, the rhymes and half-rhymes work well.
But as you must know by now, I do have a few suggestions for it. I feel the poem would be even stronger with the omission of three lines: 'in my imagination', 'this eloquent creation', and 'long before we existed'. These lines are a given, anyway, we are thinking them and don't really need to spell it out.
Feel free to disagree!

As for your second poem 'Looking for Bustards', I really felt that sensation of soaring spirits, which works well as it was an airfield. And I like not knowing about the Bustards.
I would omit 'in this fantastic place', for the same reason as my comment above, and make the next line 'This silence has a voice'. I think the poem would be stronger for it.

Dee

9/9/2013 05:24:26 pm

that the earth can speak very well for itself!
As far as the Looking for bustards is concerned (I didn't find any.) I felt I just had to spell out how "fantastic" the place was.
Thanks for your comments, Lyn. I really love to hear what you think.

Dee

9/9/2013 05:33:22 pm

Hi Lyn, It seems the first part of my reply to you disappeared into the ether. It's this new computer I'm trying to get used to! Please note new email address. I was agreeing with you that "in my imagination" could be deleted as well as "long before we existed", but "this eloquent creation" says what it (and I) want to say. Hope this gets through this time! love, Dee

Dee's August post

Leave a Reply.

Archives

Categories