Brad, I enjoyed this at our last meeting, and appreciate the work that has gone into refining it.
I still feel I need a pause after 'power to last' (maybe a comma?) so that I can consider those two 'blown-out visions' as separate elements of a 'pumped-up past'.
A cautionary message nicely put.
So difficult to grow old and feel the 'what might have beens' slip by.
I know what you're saying, Judy. I still felt that the stanza lacked some definition in that respect. As you would realise, I was trying to streamline punctuation as much as possible. I've gone back over it again and I think it maybe works better, whilst continuing to avoid commas; since I have no other ones in there …
'Spare us from dwelling in a pumped-up past
reliving blown-out visions of our youth:
false vanities devoid of power to last –
mythologies which test the bounds of truth.'
I feel that works better, in the context of the whole.